i did the unthinkable, i became nice, but it didn’t last long so don’t worry. i was nice and because of that the douchebags that i had to deal with thought that they could walk all over me, but bobby doesn’t let that shit happen.

what?

basically, i was in a car accident, vehicle was damaged beyond repair, i went to purchase a new vehicle because it is fucking cold here and really hard to cart two little fuckers around, dealership won’t give me my new vehicle until lien is removed from financing company, finance company won’t remove lien until manitoba public insurance settles with them.

so what the fuck am i supposed to do? i have been without a vehicle for a month now. forget the fact that its freezing, forget that i have two kids under the age of two. i am self employed! i have had to postpone meetings and make new arrangements with clients. this is costing me money.

i was annoyed on monday. i called the finance company, i was calm and extremely polite, i wanted to kick my own ass. left a message, no call back. getting angrier. i call manitoba public insurance to see if i could get some extra compassionate care and a rental car while they dispute with the finance company. left a message. nobody calls me back. just a little bit more angrier. an hour passes. i leave more messages. and another. and another.

ring!

finance company calls me back. they blame manitoba public insurance for the delay. i am annoyed and i know this is a cop out. i try really hard to be polite, but there is no empathy and no ownership on their part. i finally lose it. i don’t give a fuck at who is to blame, bottom line is i don’t have a vehicle and you fucking bastards are not doing anything to help.

maybe you should call manitoba public insurance and get a rental.

sounds reasonable, after all i pay insurance for shit like this. leave another message. finally get a call back and am promptly informed that they were doing me a courtesy by calling me back. what the fuck? i am told that they will not give me a vehicle because they sent a settlement to the finance company. but wait a minute, i still have no fucking vehicle. they blame the finance company.

so what’s a motherfucker to do?

dealership called me told me that my vehicle is still on their lot. thats great i love having a vehicle i can’t drive. no one is returning my calls anymore. i am just getting more pissed as the time passes. i am now calling them every 15 minutes and leaving messages like “are you done yet, call me.” my wife is calling them every 15 minutes asking the same thing. anthony calls every 15 minutes, but i have him saying “i’m cold, where’s my fucking car? call me.”

don’t believe the hype people. ummm, i am starting an illustration blog check it out here.

man i suck at getting things done. really really suck. if there is something else that i could be doing instead of being productive you can guarantee that i will be doing that. so i have decided to simplify my life a bit so that i don’t have so much shit to fuck up my focus.

emails

i am addicted to checking my emails so i’m turning it off. i will only be checking my emails from now on once a day in the evening. i will give myself an hour to process and respond to emails. if i don’t get that shit done then it will have to wait until tomorrow.

blogging

i am going to take a couple of hours a day to read, comment, and maybe write on others blogs and my own. i may end up cutting this down to a couple hours a week. i’m not hating on my blogger brothaz and sistaz, just gotta pay the bills.

phone calls

don’t call me! you will get my voicemail which i’ll check a couple of times a day, just in case there is a legitimate emergency. i am also considering getting a 1-800 to accommodate international clients, but that too will go to voicemail.

paper

naomi is talking about it on her blog, anywired is writing about and now me. i am ditching all my electronic calendars and to do lists. i have one of those old timey calendars and a small notepad for other things. i will also be viewing my porn on paper from now on.

audiobooks

i used to read a lot, but don’t as much now. i can feel myself getting stupider. so i am loading my ipod with audiobooks so that i can listen to them while i workout. the best part is i can delete the book if it sucks and not set it on fire like i used to.

outsourcing

i like designing, but there is a lot of stuff that needs to be done sometimes that is repetitive, or that i just don’t like doing (coding, color correction, blah, blah, blah). so i am going to outsource this stuff, actually i am going to see how much i can outsource before my design suffers. i figure that i could spend my own time making more money.

batching

there is a lot of repetitive and redundant shit that i do each and everyday. what i am going to do is combine these and hopefully spend less time on them. so if i am checking my email i might also check my rss feeds at the same time, that way i am in that reading mood and won’t have to switch gears.

so those are some ideas i have. i am sure that there will be other things that i will be able to do in order to become more productive, but that will have to wait for a different post. if you have any suggestions let me know. if you don’t have any ideas, but want to be the awesomest of my already awesome readers you should totally  subscribe.

i blog because i like to. i really don’t have any other reason. i don’t make any money from this. it is my way to stay sane while i work from home. all you motherfuckers who visit this site are like my co-workers and this is the water cooler. i love to hear about what is going on in your lives, if i didn’t have this, i don’t know how long i would be able to continue working from home.

i know that i have neglected my little baby this past month, but all that is going to change. i am making a promise to all of you that i will post something everyday, even the weekend. just like i make time for working out, my fam, and my clients, i have decided to make time for all my new online brothaz. if i don’t fulfill my commitment call me out, shane does this.

statz

so since it’s the end of the month i decided that i would post some stats for the month of january and set some goals for the upcoming month.

subscribers: 6. please don’t laugh i may act tough, but i am really sensitive. the goal is to double this number for the month of february. thanks to all that have subscribed and those that haven’t, what the fuck you waiting for?

posts: 4. sorry about that and thanks to all those who are still hanging around. i will post at least 28 times in february.

blog views: 240. i said don’t laugh. the goal is to get 1000 views for the upcoming month which i think is definately doable, i’m already at 60.

top 3 posts:

1) it hurts to write this

2) 5 ways to keep that shitty job

3) shane and peter are my homeboyz

top commenter: Jarkko, so that makes him my bestest friend, the yin to my yang.

non-blog related goals

this month i will concetrate on getting new clients. i will do this through refferals, job boards, networking, and the dreaded cold call. i need to start reading more for leisure so i will read 4 books this month (any suggestions?), it’s a start. i will be exploring ways that i can eliminate redundancies, eliminate time wasters and outsource aspect of my freelance in an attempt to free up more time and make more money.

there you have it, i put it all out for everyone to see so that you peeps can help, encourage, and trash talk. oh by the way, i noticed that a lot of you haven’t subscribed…so you should probably get on that.

PEACE!

is that a digg worthy headline or what, by the way fuck digg, i don’t need you, i think. this title might be a little misleading because although i feel like i am rich, my bank account definately does not reflect this. being rich does not require having millions of dollars…let me say that again because even i am having a hard time believing it, being rich does not require a lot of money.

i’m rich, bitch

i guess dave chapelle said it best. i’m rich bitch. today i woke up at 9:30 am (i normally wake up at 6am, but for purely selfish reasons), got the kids ready, then went swimming with the family all afternoon, we then went out for a late lunch with friends, and then i went to the gym for a workout. at the gym i could hear people talking about their shitty day at work and how much they hate their jobs (not everyone was complaining). at that moment i realized that i was really lucky, i have decided to live a lifestyle that allows me to enjoy the really important things in life.

what makes me rich

time: i own my time. i don’t have a boss that tells me to come in from 9 to 5. because of this i can work at anytime of the day and actually schedule work around my family and not the other way around. you can always make more money, but time is a limited resource.

location: i don’t have an office. i am not stuck at a certain location, granted i do most of my work from home, but come summer i can work from the lake house (the inlaws, not mine, i may be rich but i have no money). my wife and i have discussed relocating to the south pacific for next winter, we can’t stand this fucking cold.

career: maybe this should be lack of career. i don’t feel that what i do is a career, this is freelance. i don’t have a boss, i have clients that i work with. it’s a partnership, they may be paying me, but they don’t own me. as a graphic designer all i need is my macbook and my creativity.

family: this is not only the reason why i do it, it is also the reason why i am able to do it. having two young ones is motivation, they need food, clothes, comfort and shelter and if you’re a parent your probably like me, you would rather die then see your kids go without. my wife, i have said it many, many times, but it is so important, she is my biggest fan. she won’t let me fail.

possesions: i put this at the bottom of the list because i truly feel that it is the least important, but still important. what good is working if you can’t reward yourself occasionally? you don’t need the mercedes in the driveway (but you can if you want) you don’t need that million dollar mansion (but you could if you want), but you can have pretty things if you make sacrifices, research and don’t give in to impulses.

the end

so there you have it, this is why i’m rich. what makes you rich (besides tha cheddah)?

shane called me out, go here to find out more.

i am brutally honest

you would think that this would get me in a lot of fucking trouble, but it hasn”t. because of my honesty people tend to be draw to me. i don’t say shit to be hurtful or petty, i just say what is on my mind. a friend of mine once said, “i love you brito, you don’t care that you’re an asshole.” fine i’m an asshole, but i’m just saying the shit that others won’t and you’re welcome.

i hide shit

i can’t stand mess, it is probably my number 2 pet peeve. i also hate cleaning so what’s a motherfucker (michelle is a mother so technically…) to do? i hide it. if you come over don’t look under any of the beds, don’t open any drawers, don’t look under the couch, and for godsake please don’t go into the basement. this annoys my wife, but what you gonna do.

i am an attention whore

i’m the guy at the party that has the group of peeps around him usually laughing sometimes commenting about how much of a jerk i am. i can’t help it. weird thing is that i have only developed this within the last 4 years. before that i was pretty introverted. i guess i am overcompensating.

i judge books by their covers

by books i actually mean you. first impressions are huge for me. if we are meeting for the first time and you look like a peice of shit i will not take you serious. you may be a great person, but if you don’t take the time to take care of yourself we can’t hang out. this brings me to my next point.

i am competitive

i believe that competition breeds success. that is why i surround myself with people that are better then me. if i want to get in the best shape possible i don’t go hang out with a 300 lbs motherfucker. i hangout with a worldclass athlete. i don’t do this to learn from them, fuck that, i do this because i want to compete against them and beat them.

i am never late

my number one pet peeve is people who are late for meetings/or gatherings or being late myself. i find it extremely disrespectful. after having kids i have found myself cutting it close a couple times, but i rather not show up then to show up late.

i hate kids

not my own though. they may piss me off sometimes, but i couldn’t imagine my life without them. i hate everyone elses kids. i thought that once i had my own i would learn to like those other little fuckers, but i actually think i hate them more. i see how much better my kids are than the others and think to myself why can’t they be more like mine.

bonus

i may be hard to swallow sometimes, but i do care about people. if you are a friend of mine you know i have your back. if i consider you family i will take care of you. i just recently sold one of my duplexes because i am finding it really hard to be a landlord. i should be concerned about turning a profit, but i am too busy making sure that my tenants are happy. BUT, don’t cross me, i expect the same respect and if i feel that i am being used i will cut you.

PEACE!

so i am back again. i bet you all have written me off as some blogger hack who can’t cut the mustard (cut the mustard? is that a saying?), but you would be wrong…again. so now you are probably feeling pretty bad for doubting me, but i forgive you, you are only human and humans make mistakes. so let me tell you what happened to me and why i haven’t been participating in this online community.

january 15th, 2008 - michelle (my wife) was going to teach a private swimming lesson and i thought it would be a great idea to take anthony (he loves swimming, i hate swimming, it’s just so pointless). so we get ready, get anthony really excited and we’re on our way. fucking eh!the swimming pool is a 5 minute drive from my home, but we had to pick up michelle’s student so we would take about 10 minutes. so on the way to michelle’s student (we will call her from now on no swim) we get into a pretty bad car accident. we are little banged up, but not badly hurt, anthony didn’t even cry.

so what happened?

a moron decided to go through an intersection without looking. i hit her passenger side door at about 50 km/hour, pushed her car up onto a snow bank and a tree. i was in shock. what the fuck happened. i have never been in a accident and was experiencing a number of emotions. i was worried about michelle and anthony. i was angry that this stupid cunt (yeah i said it) endangered the life of my wife and child. i was concerned about my vehicle, it being a newer car and me still owing more then it has depreciated, i was concerned that if it was to get written off (and it definitely was going to be written off) that i would have to owe a residual amount that insurance would not cover.

conclusion

so the point is i have not been able to write because i banged up my wrist and the therapist told to take it easy, which has been incredibly hard for me to do (no playing, no drawing, no weightlifting).

my wife is a little worse off then me. she is suffering from back pains, shoulder pains, leg pains, and neck pains. she is still functional (she’s kinda this tough chick), but i am finding myself helping out a lot more then before. i guess thats good, but i still have to make a living and seriously these kids drive me crazy.

anthony is fine, he hasn’t complained once about aches or pains. he is just upset that he didn’t get to go swimming, he still talks about it. he did get a bad cold and cough after the accident, but i don’t think it’s related.

isabelle is good. she was visiting her grandma so she wasn’t with us.my car was written off.

so now i’m car-less. can’t get a new one because michelle is on maternity and i am self employed. since i have only been self employed for a couple months i don’t have an accurate record of income. michelle and i have gone without vehicle before, but we are finding it extremely hard to get around now with two small children, especially in -40 degrees celsius weather (actually today it is -50 degrees celsius, my dog doesn’t even want to go outside).

nothing else to do but get on with life. shit happens. i understand this. i know things will get better, but that doesn’t mean i can’t still be pissed about it. the morale of this story is don’t be a fucking moron, your stupid, idiotic decisions don’t just affect you. it’s like throwing a rock in a lake, even the smallest rock will make ripples.

I always wanted to read a blog post that had some sort of threatening title. I should have probably called this one dealing with clients or lessons learned from my two year old on how to deal with clients in the field of graphic design, but you wouldn’t read it and I’m sure I’m going to fuck you up is a more popular search term with the search engines (look at me, thinking about SEO).

Two year olds

Being the father of a two-year-old boy has taught me a lot. I am not going to go into detail because that would take way too much time (and I am extremely lazy, I’m actually surprised that I am typing this today, it’s sunday for fuck’s sake). Raising Anthony has actually made me a better person (not necessarily a good father, but I’ll get it right with Isabelle). The qualities that I have been able practice are patience (lots of fucking patience, never shake a baby, never), understanding, discipline, routine, and how to have fun.

Clients

Clients, can’t live with them…ummm, can’t pay the bills without them. I like most of my clients, some of them I consider friends and attend orgies with, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t difficult to deal with sometimes (always).

So what the fuck do you do?

I treat my clients like I would treat my two year old without talking down to them or making them feel like idiots. clients don’t like being treated like idiots, especially when they are acting like idiots.

Patience

client x: When can I expect this? Kind of a rush.

me: Okay, well as long as I can get everything from you that I need I can have this to you pretty quick.

client x: What stuff?

me: Copy, logo, pictures of your product, and anything else you want me to use.

client x: Oh…I don’t have any of that stuff, could you do it?

Ahhh! I get this a lot. I have nothing, but was wondering if you could put together a million dollar campaign for the same price that you quoted me when you thought I would provide this stuff to you, oh and by the way, can I get it tomorrow.

What I’ve learned is to communicate effectively. Instead of getting frustrated and blowing up, I take a minute to explain to the client what my role in this partnership is and what their role is. I let them know that it is important that we each do are own role so that the project runs smoothly and in a timely manner. If the client doesn’t have something I need and refuses to get it to me then i let them know that it can still happen, but the price quoted will change and that it will take longer to complete.

They don’t always get it and trust me this will test your patience, but remember they don’t know better and if you don’t try and educate them in the process, they’ll just frustrate some other designer.

Understanding

client x: Can I give you a jpeg of the logo? Why does it need to be vector? What’s vector?

This is related to patience. You as the designer need to understand that not everyone knows the terms that you use. Once again it should be your responsibility to educate the client. It may take more of your time, but if you’re planning on having this client for awhile it might be a good investment.

Discipline

client x: Sorry, but I need these files to the printer by today. I knew about this for a few days now, but you have done last minute jobs for me before and they turned out great.

You should have let them know before that their request was unreasonable, but you let it slide. If you were to say to them now that you can’t do it, 9 out of 10 times you’ll lose a client. I have rules (sometimes pretty unreasonable, why do people still want to work with me?) and when someone challenges those rules I have to make sure that I am consistent, firm and in extreme cases administer spankings.

Routine

Pretty straight forward. People like routine (for the most part) if I can make things easier on my client by approaching all my projects the same way then why wouldn’t I do that. Not only will the client be happy, but I’ll be happy because the project will be done quicker.

Fun

client x: How’s my logo coming along?

me: Let’s go get shit-faced and talk about it.

client x: It’s 10 am.

They may piss you off, but so does my 2 year old and I still manage to have fun with him. Next time a client pisses you off, blow on their belly. Everyone loves that shit and remember never shake a client, never.

And if you had fun reading this very informative post you should subscribe, after all you don’t want to be an interweb reject.

Finally! Sorry for the long delay, life has been kicking me in the balls and I had to sit on the sidelines for awhile, but i’m back and i’m wearing a cup (fuck you life). So what’s up? How’s the fam? Business? Seeing anyone?

So what’s up?

Uhmmm, not much I geuss, just sort of kicking it. Over the holidays I became really frustrated and depressed with the direction my life was headed (fuck you Santa and you too baby Jesus). I lost a lot of the initial drive that I had when I decided to get fired from my job. At first it was great. I was getting clients, mostly through word of mouth, but it was paying the bills. Then there were no more clients and even worse people that i had met with and decided to work with changed their minds.

I panicked and did the unthinkable, I got a job! You know that shitty thing I got fired from in November, well I decided that I didn’t deserve any better, lowered my standards and took a job at a place that I knew I was going to hate. I was feeling like I had no other choice, I’m the man of the house, I should be bringing in a steady income, that’s the rules. Plus, like my dad says ‘only lazy people work from home’.

So, January 3rd, 2008 I wake up at 6am, but not to workout, no I am going to my new job. I get there and stay the whole day. Eight hours wasted. The job sucked, but hey, I was contributing to my family, so it was worth it, right? That night I could not sleep. I kept feeling sorry for myself. I hated the job, but what choice did I have?

6 am my alarm goes off. I lay there in bed wide awake, I turn to my wife and let her know that I won’t be going to work today, or never, without opening her eyes she says, ‘okay’. Fucking right. It was okay, all of a sudden a calm came over me. Things have a way of working out and I was being a huge punk for feeling sorry for myself.

‘It’s not how hard you can hit, but how hard of a hit you can take”

I saw Rocky 6 during the holidays (don’t judge me), and that line stood out. I am usually a pretty strong guy (personality, physically I am as frail as a baby panda). I set goals and acheive them. I don’t understand words like can’t, fail, quit, but that’s exactly what i was allowing myself to do. I guess after you have been hit repeatedly for awhile, you break a little. Well if Rocky could take a hit, fuck it so can I (how old is he?).

How’s the fam?

Good. Anthony is still testing his limits and I love him for it, but for crying out loud, give me a fucking break. Isabelle is still daddy’s lil’ princess. She is trying really hard to crawl and what I find interesting about this is that her and Anthony are completely different. When Anthony was learning he would get frustrated easily and cry, Isabelle doesn’t. She works just as hard as Anthony did, but she never complains. She is also teething right now so my wife and I are not getting much sleep or sex. Michelle is still the best wife I could hope for even though she pisses me off, i know she’s got my back.

Business?

I have taken a break from business. When I was going through that bout of self doubt, I made a decision to put business on hold. I didn’t want my attitude at the time to affect my feelings towards business, but I took some good hits and I know I can take plenty more so it’s time to bring the business back to the foreground and really concentrate on making it successful. I have no choice.

I have also decided to sell my rental property. It was taking to much time and focus from the other important things in my life. I also live in a hot real estate market so selling it should be pretty easy and after everything is said and done I should be making $15,000 - $20,000, not bad for only owning the property for a year.

Seeing anyone?

Only you, I promise. Subscribe please. I am extremely insecure and if you don’t subscribe I’ll feel like a total loser.

Over at Shane and Peter’s blog they have these questions that they are asking entrepeneurs. Shane left me a comment reminding me that I had to answer it, I warned him that my answers would not be helpful or very insightful, but here they are anyways. Checkout everyone else’s responses, there’s a lot of good shit out there.

What’s your personal mission statement?

Don’t fuck up! I am staring at a sticky note on my Mac right now that says that and I am thinking about putting a note on my wife too (and maybe the children, but probably to late for that).

Biggest mess you dealt with this year?

Potty training Anthony (2 year old) right now, not going to well. Getting fired and creating my own job is a close second.

What current entrepreneurial efforts consume your time?

a) I am starting a Branding/Marketing company that deals with small businesses that are almost ready to throw in the towel. I like taking a piece of shit and molding it into a better looking piece of shit.

b) I have rental property.

c) Looking at opening up a franchise (more info on that later)

d) Helping my wife get her business (custom made baked goods and special order cakes) off the ground.

Why do you do what you do? What inspires you? When do you get most excited?

Some days I don’t know. It grew from a passion for art. When I realized that there was no money in creating art I desperately searched for a way to make a living. Graphic Design…sounds good to me, I like pretty stuff.

What inspires me and gets me excited are the same thing (boobies), good, inovative, fresh design and advertising.

Boxers or Briefs? or as Naomi says, Bikini or Thong, duh?!?

My wife’s thongs. I love the silky feel on my man junk.

What do you do when you’re not [designing | programming | managing | writing | toiling for the wo/man]?

I do the family thing (think of new ways to torment the children), lift weights, listen to really obscure underground hip hop music, and watch mostly crappy movies. I also like to paint, but don’t do too much of that anymore.

What one thing made the biggest difference when getting started?

Ask me in a year, still just getting started.

What’s your exit strategy?

I’m just going to go out for cigarettes (and then you’ll see my face on milk cartons).

What is the last thing that made you belly laugh?

A family friend asked “when are you going to get Anthony baptized?” I responded “when I have proof of god’s exsistense or when he decides that he would like to spend his sunday mornings listening to some guy tell him why he was going to hell”, she responded “our very existence is proof that there is a god”. Man did I laugh, then I sold her some magic beans.

Have you ever been in business before?

Legal…no.

At what point do you consider yourself successful?

When I can remove myself from the business and still collect a paycheck.

What was your first experience with a computer?

Grade school, one of those old apples playing Oregon Trail.

Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates in a jello wrestling match, where’s your money?

In my wallet, I only gamble on dogfights and only if Michael Vick is fighting.

Where do you do your best thinking?

In bed, that stage between being awake and sleep, thats where all my good ideas come from…unfortunately I never remember them, but when I do you are all screwed.

What does your average daily work / life balance look like? How much time do you work, play and sleep?

I am always working. I don’t have to be at a desk, but my mind is always going, thinking of a better way, smarter design, whatever. I even dream about work. I sit at my work area for about 7 hours a day (except weekend), sleep about 5 hours and play with whatever time is left over (I hate math, so don’t ask me).

If I could introduce you to anyone, who would it be?

Paul Rand.

What stops you from giving up when you are frustrated?

Anthony. I’m not saying that I do it for him, what I mean is Anthony wants something, his two year old brain doesn’t fully comprehend no, so he keeps at it and he will do anything it takes to get it.

If Chuck Norris and Steven Hawking had a baby (hey it’s my damn interview), would you vote for her for president?

Good thing I will never have to make that decision, I’m Canadian.

If you drop a cat, how do you make it land on its back?

Lots of ways to do this, but easiest way I can think of is spreading a little peanut butter on it’s back before you drop it.

Thanks Shane and Peter, I have learned a lot about myself. PEACE!