5 WAYS TO KEEP THAT SHITTY JOB

or Getting Fired a Month Before Christmas is Awesome! So, here we are a couple weeks away from christmas (I hate christmas, but with two kids I have to fake it, is this what my wife feels like?) and I don’t have a job, but you know what I do have? A mortgage (well actually I have two mortgages, the house I live in and one on my rental property, which I need to find a tenant for), a car payment, and bills. So I’m doing alright.I do have a job lined up for January (and possibly another one) and it pays more then the crappy graphic design job I had before. I have also been able to take up some freelance, so the bank shouldn’t be taking back my house (maybe they’ll take one of the children instead, what do you need two kids for anyway). So I have decided to make a list of 5 ways on how not to get fired. 1) don’t be an employee 

Once you rely on someone to provide you with a paycheck you lose any power you have. You could be the shit (awesome), but if you are working for a paycheck you need to realize that it could be taken away at any time.          

2) be a yes man (or woman)

Your boss is more likely to keep you around if you kiss his/her ass. Hey, who’s willing to do some overtime this holiday season, if that’s you, congratulations, you’re the yes man.          

3) don’t ask for a decent wage 

Now this point is probably best directed at unskilled laborers  like graphic designers. Truth is you could pay me more or you could hire someone fresh out of school that is willing to work for practically nothing because they live at home still with their parents and their only expense is that $200 per week weed habit.          

4) don’t have an opinion 

Question: your boss asks you “what do you think?” do you answer a) what you really think understanding that he is asking for an opinion, therefore he can’t be upset for what you really think or b) what you know what he wants you to answer? If you answered “b”, congratulations, you still have your lousy job.          

5) be invisible 

You’ve heard it before, “the squeaky  wheel gets the grease”, the grease in this instance is a pink slip. If you ran a business would you keep someone around that kept stealing attention from you (if you answered “yes” hey I’m unemployed, hook me up)? I have learned a lot working as a graphic designer, one of those things is that this industry is filled with egos and when the owners of the company are graphic designers as well it’s probably best that you think inside their box (even if it smells like shit).          

There you have it, did I miss anything (no), sure you probably can’t come to work drunk and shooting your boss in the leg may get you a round of applause, but it’ll also get you fired. This is a list of techniques that i have read about that is supposed to help you climb the corporate ladder, but try them and lets see what happens.Do you agree, disagree (stupid), leave a comment, but don’t leave a comment if you don’t want me to respond. You should also subscribe because i will be dropping knowledge. PEACE!  

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9 Comments

Filed under Daily Grind

9 responses to “5 WAYS TO KEEP THAT SHITTY JOB

  1. Your blog better become wildly successful. Otherwise the fact that I left the first ever comment will be meaningless at best.

    Be quiet. Show up on time. Try not to say “fuck” too much.

    Sadly, I’m not very good at any of those, so I decided to work from home.

  2. oh shit, I can’t decide whether to say congratulations or merry christmas.

    I IM’ed your post to peter and his response cracked me up.

    “i want to say this can apply to being married…. but i’m not actually that cynical”

    I figured, if he is to shy to say it .. I’ll help him out.

  3. Pingback: IttyBiz » Go Big Or Suck: A Guide To Being Unforgettable

  4. j0ed0gs

    well tell peter that he ruined the surprise. tomorrow’s post is going to be on how not to get divorced or how to get divorced, haven’t made up my mind yet.

  5. I want more! How come you launch a blog with a post like this and then have nothing else for visitors like me to explore? 😉

    Well, the good part about it is that now I can get to work as I have no more excuse to stay here and procrastinate.

    Make sure to get more stuff coming out soon, because I’m subscribing.

    And thanks for the link Naomi!

  6. j0ed0gs

    wow, all my favorite bloggers leaving comments. oh wait, we’re missing jonathan fields, damn you jonathan!

    @jarkko: you want more? fine i’ll hook you up, but be warned, you will be sorry.

    thanks everyone for the comments.

  7. Rule number one in the corporate world (I was told my my manger’s manager) is to make your boss look good. Relates to number 5 more or less.

  8. Bummer about the holiday unemployment, but awesome post — can’t wait to read more. Incidentally, I am looking to hire a freelance ninja…

  9. j0ed0gs

    @bubba: i agree. my team leader loved it when i would get 200% of my sales, it meant he would get a good bonus and peer recognition (little did people know that he was useless and my success was because i wanted to make more money and not because of his lame motivational talks. he was the canadian version of ricky gervais off the office, awful).

    @lesly: thanks for dropping by. freelance ninja = awesome. you are my new favorite(sorry everyone else)!

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