Monthly Archives: January 2008

shane made me do it

michaelĀ brito

shane called me out, go here to find out more.

i am brutally honest

you would think that this would get me in a lot of fucking trouble, but it hasn”t. because of my honesty people tend to be draw to me. i don’t say shit to be hurtful or petty, i just say what is on my mind. a friend of mine once said, “i love you brito, you don’t care that you’re an asshole.” fine i’m an asshole, but i’m just saying the shit that others won’t and you’re welcome.

i hide shit

i can’t stand mess, it is probably my number 2 pet peeve. i also hate cleaning so what’s a motherfucker (michelle is a mother so technically…) to do? i hide it. if you come over don’t look under any of the beds, don’t open any drawers, don’t look under the couch, and for godsake please don’t go into the basement. this annoys my wife, but what you gonna do.

i am an attention whore

i’m the guy at the party that has the group of peeps around him usually laughing sometimes commenting about how much of a jerk i am. i can’t help it. weird thing is that i have only developed this within the last 4 years. before that i was pretty introverted. i guess i am overcompensating.

i judge books by their covers

by books i actually mean you. first impressions are huge for me. if we are meeting for the first time and you look like a peice of shit i will not take you serious. you may be a great person, but if you don’t take the time to take care of yourself we can’t hang out. this brings me to my next point.

i am competitive

i believe that competition breeds success. that is why i surround myself with people that are better then me. if i want to get in the best shape possible i don’t go hang out with a 300 lbs motherfucker. i hangout with a worldclass athlete. i don’t do this to learn from them, fuck that, i do this because i want to compete against them and beat them.

i am never late

my number one pet peeve is people who are late for meetings/or gatherings or being late myself. i find it extremely disrespectful. after having kids i have found myself cutting it close a couple times, but i rather not show up then to show up late.

i hate kids

not my own though. they may piss me off sometimes, but i couldn’t imagine my life without them. i hate everyone elses kids. i thought that once i had my own i would learn to like those other little fuckers, but i actually think i hate them more. i see how much better my kids are than the others and think to myself why can’t they be more like mine.

bonus

i may be hard to swallow sometimes, but i do care about people. if you are a friend of mine you know i have your back. if i consider you family i will take care of you. i just recently sold one of my duplexes because i am finding it really hard to be a landlord. i should be concerned about turning a profit, but i am too busy making sure that my tenants are happy. BUT, don’t cross me, i expect the same respect and if i feel that i am being used i will cut you.

PEACE!

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IT HURTS TO WRITE THIS

2006 hyundai tucsonso i am back again. i bet you all have written me off as some blogger hack who can’t cut the mustard (cut the mustard? is that a saying?), but you would be wrong…again. so now you are probably feeling pretty bad for doubting me, but i forgive you, you are only human and humans make mistakes. so let me tell you what happened to me and why i haven’t been participating in this online community.

january 15th, 2008 – michelle (my wife) was going to teach a private swimming lesson and i thought it would be a great idea to take anthony (he loves swimming, i hate swimming, it’s just so pointless). so we get ready, get anthony really excited and we’re on our way. fucking eh!the swimming pool is a 5 minute drive from my home, but we had to pick up michelle’s student so we would take about 10 minutes. so on the way to michelle’s student (we will call her from now on no swim) we get into a pretty bad car accident. we are little banged up, but not badly hurt, anthony didn’t even cry.

so what happened?

a moron decided to go through an intersection without looking. i hit her passenger side door at about 50 km/hour, pushed her car up onto a snow bank and a tree. i was in shock. what the fuck happened. i have never been in a accident and was experiencing a number of emotions. i was worried about michelle and anthony. i was angry that this stupid cunt (yeah i said it) endangered the life of my wife and child. i was concerned about my vehicle, it being a newer car and me still owing more then it has depreciated, i was concerned that if it was to get written off (and it definitely was going to be written off) that i would have to owe a residual amount that insurance would not cover.

conclusion

so the point is i have not been able to write because i banged up my wrist and the therapist told to take it easy, which has been incredibly hard for me to do (no playing, no drawing, no weightlifting).

my wife is a little worse off then me. she is suffering from back pains, shoulder pains, leg pains, and neck pains. she is still functional (she’s kinda this tough chick), but i am finding myself helping out a lot more then before. i guess thats good, but i still have to make a living and seriously these kids drive me crazy.

anthony is fine, he hasn’t complained once about aches or pains. he is just upset that he didn’t get to go swimming, he still talks about it. he did get a bad cold and cough after the accident, but i don’t think it’s related.

isabelle is good. she was visiting her grandma so she wasn’t with us.my car was written off.

so now i’m car-less. can’t get a new one because michelle is on maternity and i am self employed. since i have only been self employed for a couple months i don’t have an accurate record of income. michelle and i have gone without vehicle before, but we are finding it extremely hard to get around now with two small children, especially in -40 degrees celsius weather (actually today it is -50 degrees celsius, my dog doesn’t even want to go outside).

nothing else to do but get on with life. shit happens. i understand this. i know things will get better, but that doesn’t mean i can’t still be pissed about it. the morale of this story is don’t be a fucking moron, your stupid, idiotic decisions don’t just affect you. it’s like throwing a rock in a lake, even the smallest rock will make ripples.

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I’M GOING TO (GRA)FUCK YOU UP

middle finga

I always wanted to read a blog post that had some sort of threatening title. I should have probably called this one dealing with clients or lessons learned from my two year old on how to deal with clients in the field of graphic design, but you wouldn’t read it and I’m sure I’m going to fuck you up is a more popular search term with the search engines (look at me, thinking about SEO).

Two year olds

Being the father of a two-year-old boy has taught me a lot. I am not going to go into detail because that would take way too much time (and I am extremely lazy, I’m actually surprised that I am typing this today, it’s sunday for fuck’s sake). Raising Anthony has actually made me a better person (not necessarily a good father, but I’ll get it right with Isabelle). The qualities that I have been able practice are patience (lots of fucking patience, never shake a baby, never), understanding, discipline, routine, and how to have fun.

Clients

Clients, can’t live with them…ummm, can’t pay the bills without them. I like most of my clients, some of them I consider friends and attend orgies with, but that doesn’t mean that they aren’t difficult to deal with sometimes (always).

So what the fuck do you do?

I treat my clients like I would treat my two year old without talking down to them or making them feel like idiots. clients don’t like being treated like idiots, especially when they are acting like idiots.

Patience

client x: When can I expect this? Kind of a rush.

me: Okay, well as long as I can get everything from you that I need I can have this to you pretty quick.

client x: What stuff?

me: Copy, logo, pictures of your product, and anything else you want me to use.

client x: Oh…I don’t have any of that stuff, could you do it?

Ahhh! I get this a lot. I have nothing, but was wondering if you could put together a million dollar campaign for the same price that you quoted me when you thought I would provide this stuff to you, oh and by the way, can I get it tomorrow.

What I’ve learned is to communicate effectively. Instead of getting frustrated and blowing up, I take a minute to explain to the client what my role in this partnership is and what their role is. I let them know that it is important that we each do are own role so that the project runs smoothly and in a timely manner. If the client doesn’t have something I need and refuses to get it to me then i let them know that it can still happen, but the price quoted will change and that it will take longer to complete.

They don’t always get it and trust me this will test your patience, but remember they don’t know better and if you don’t try and educate them in the process, they’ll just frustrate some other designer.

Understanding

client x: Can I give you a jpeg of the logo? Why does it need to be vector? What’s vector?

This is related to patience. You as the designer need to understand that not everyone knows the terms that you use. Once again it should be your responsibility to educate the client. It may take more of your time, but if you’re planning on having this client for awhile it might be a good investment.

Discipline

client x: Sorry, but I need these files to the printer by today. I knew about this for a few days now, but you have done last minute jobs for me before and they turned out great.

You should have let them know before that their request was unreasonable, but you let it slide. If you were to say to them now that you can’t do it, 9 out of 10 times you’ll lose a client. I have rules (sometimes pretty unreasonable, why do people still want to work with me?) and when someone challenges those rules I have to make sure that I am consistent, firm and in extreme cases administer spankings.

Routine

Pretty straight forward. People like routine (for the most part) if I can make things easier on my client by approaching all my projects the same way then why wouldn’t I do that. Not only will the client be happy, but I’ll be happy because the project will be done quicker.

Fun

client x: How’s my logo coming along?

me: Let’s go get shit-faced and talk about it.

client x: It’s 10 am.

They may piss you off, but so does my 2 year old and I still manage to have fun with him. Next time a client pisses you off, blow on their belly. Everyone loves that shit and remember never shake a client, never.

And if you had fun reading this very informative post you should subscribe, after all you don’t want to be an interweb reject.

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KICKING LIFE IN THE BALLZ

Finally! Sorry for the long delay, life has been kicking me in the balls and I had to sit on the sidelines for awhile, but i’m back and i’m wearing a cup (fuck you life). So what’s up? How’s the fam? Business? Seeing anyone?

So what’s up?

Uhmmm, not much I geuss, just sort of kicking it. Over the holidays I became really frustrated and depressed with the direction my life was headed (fuck you Santa and you too baby Jesus). I lost a lot of the initial drive that I had when I decided to get fired from my job. At first it was great. I was getting clients, mostly through word of mouth, but it was paying the bills. Then there were no more clients and even worse people that i had met with and decided to work with changed their minds.

I panicked and did the unthinkable, I got a job! You know that shitty thing I got fired from in November, well I decided that I didn’t deserve any better, lowered my standards and took a job at a place that I knew I was going to hate. I was feeling like I had no other choice, I’m the man of the house, I should be bringing in a steady income, that’s the rules. Plus, like my dad says ‘only lazy people work from home’.

So, January 3rd, 2008 I wake up at 6am, but not to workout, no I am going to my new job. I get there and stay the whole day. Eight hours wasted. The job sucked, but hey, I was contributing to my family, so it was worth it, right? That night I could not sleep. I kept feeling sorry for myself. I hated the job, but what choice did I have?

6 am my alarm goes off. I lay there in bed wide awake, I turn to my wife and let her know that I won’t be going to work today, or never, without opening her eyes she says, ‘okay’. Fucking right. It was okay, all of a sudden a calm came over me. Things have a way of working out and I was being a huge punk for feeling sorry for myself.

‘It’s not how hard you can hit, but how hard of a hit you can take”

I saw Rocky 6 during the holidays (don’t judge me), and that line stood out. I am usually a pretty strong guy (personality, physically I am as frail as a baby panda). I set goals and acheive them. I don’t understand words like can’t, fail, quit, but that’s exactly what i was allowing myself to do. I guess after you have been hit repeatedly for awhile, you break a little. Well if Rocky could take a hit, fuck it so can I (how old is he?).

How’s the fam?

Good. Anthony is still testing his limits and I love him for it, but for crying out loud, give me a fucking break. Isabelle is still daddy’s lil’ princess. She is trying really hard to crawl and what I find interesting about this is that her and Anthony are completely different. When Anthony was learning he would get frustrated easily and cry, Isabelle doesn’t. She works just as hard as Anthony did, but she never complains. She is also teething right now so my wife and I are not getting much sleep or sex. Michelle is still the best wife I could hope for even though she pisses me off, i know she’s got my back.

Business?

I have taken a break from business. When I was going through that bout of self doubt, I made a decision to put business on hold. I didn’t want my attitude at the time to affect my feelings towards business, but I took some good hits and I know I can take plenty more so it’s time to bring the business back to the foreground and really concentrate on making it successful. I have no choice.

I have also decided to sell my rental property. It was taking to much time and focus from the other important things in my life. I also live in a hot real estate market so selling it should be pretty easy and after everything is said and done I should be making $15,000 – $20,000, not bad for only owning the property for a year.

Seeing anyone?

Only you, I promise. Subscribe please. I am extremely insecure and if you don’t subscribe I’ll feel like a total loser.

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