shane made me do it

michael brito

shane called me out, go here to find out more.

i am brutally honest

you would think that this would get me in a lot of fucking trouble, but it hasn”t. because of my honesty people tend to be draw to me. i don’t say shit to be hurtful or petty, i just say what is on my mind. a friend of mine once said, “i love you brito, you don’t care that you’re an asshole.” fine i’m an asshole, but i’m just saying the shit that others won’t and you’re welcome.

i hide shit

i can’t stand mess, it is probably my number 2 pet peeve. i also hate cleaning so what’s a motherfucker (michelle is a mother so technically…) to do? i hide it. if you come over don’t look under any of the beds, don’t open any drawers, don’t look under the couch, and for godsake please don’t go into the basement. this annoys my wife, but what you gonna do.

i am an attention whore

i’m the guy at the party that has the group of peeps around him usually laughing sometimes commenting about how much of a jerk i am. i can’t help it. weird thing is that i have only developed this within the last 4 years. before that i was pretty introverted. i guess i am overcompensating.

i judge books by their covers

by books i actually mean you. first impressions are huge for me. if we are meeting for the first time and you look like a peice of shit i will not take you serious. you may be a great person, but if you don’t take the time to take care of yourself we can’t hang out. this brings me to my next point.

i am competitive

i believe that competition breeds success. that is why i surround myself with people that are better then me. if i want to get in the best shape possible i don’t go hang out with a 300 lbs motherfucker. i hangout with a worldclass athlete. i don’t do this to learn from them, fuck that, i do this because i want to compete against them and beat them.

i am never late

my number one pet peeve is people who are late for meetings/or gatherings or being late myself. i find it extremely disrespectful. after having kids i have found myself cutting it close a couple times, but i rather not show up then to show up late.

i hate kids

not my own though. they may piss me off sometimes, but i couldn’t imagine my life without them. i hate everyone elses kids. i thought that once i had my own i would learn to like those other little fuckers, but i actually think i hate them more. i see how much better my kids are than the others and think to myself why can’t they be more like mine.


i may be hard to swallow sometimes, but i do care about people. if you are a friend of mine you know i have your back. if i consider you family i will take care of you. i just recently sold one of my duplexes because i am finding it really hard to be a landlord. i should be concerned about turning a profit, but i am too busy making sure that my tenants are happy. BUT, don’t cross me, i expect the same respect and if i feel that i am being used i will cut you.




Filed under life

5 responses to “shane made me do it

  1. ittybiz

    I thought I hated kids for the longest time, and then I realized that the people I actually hate are parents. I am wildly permissive with my own children, but one of the things they learned early is Do Not Fuck With Mummy. I will let them get away with murder, but when I give them the look and very quietly say their name in that tone they know I mean business. A whispered, “Michael, stop that now, please” will strike fear in the heart of my eight-year-old and his brother is starting to follow suit.

    This is why it makes me totally fucking insane that other people having screaming children in public places. I’m like, it’s not hard, people! They’re screaming because you let them.

  2. michael brito

    @naomi: michelle tells me all the time that it’s the parents, but when are these little fuckers going to own up and take the responsibility for their actions?

  3. One thing about hanging out with the world class athlete: it’s sometimes good to help those “below you”

    About ten years ago I had a “gym friend” – we’d usuall come at the same time and work out together. We are about the same weight and height, oh maybe he’s a few inches shorter but basically the same. I’m 5-11, 180, he’s maybe 5-8, 165. He’s ten years younger than I am.. and my wife says he’s better looking but I don’t buy that 🙂

    At the time, I could bench press 210 lbs and he’d struggle with 140. He couldn’t understand how I could be so much stronger, so I started coaching him and showing him how you get to lift more (for those that don’t know: you have to push. You’ll never bench 200 by lifting 120 thirty times. You need to challenge yourself with weights you can barely move).

    Anyway, by showing him and coaching him, we both increased. He got up to 300, I peaked at 275, but my point was that we each improved one another.

    Now maybe working with Schwarzenegger would have been better, but we both improved..

    Like the site SO much better black on white – I had already RSSed you but definitely will keep it now 🙂

  4. And Naomi: you are SO right. You should take to my wife – she gets so pissed at mothers who can’t control their kids.

    “Johnny, stop that”. Johnny pays no attention.

    “Johnny, I mean it”. Johnny knows better.

    “No dessert if you don’t stop now”. Yeah, right: Johnny again knows that’s a lie.

    “Don’t make me come over there” As if she’d get her lazy ass out of the chair..

    “Johnny, stop that or I’ll tell Daddy” Yeah, like THAT matters, Da’s as much of a fool as she is.

    “Johnny, please stop”. Oh, that’ll work..


  5. michael brito

    @anthony lawrence: ummm, i don’t know how to say this, but i am that parent. thanks.

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